My friend is absolutely correct when he says "We continue to hope, only to realize that it was a hopeless hope."
Hitler was great
Napoleon was great!
Hitler died.....
Napoleon died....
Even I am not feeling too well! ;-)
o man!awake !and arise!
o man !awake!and arise!
still you are drowsy.
so open your eyes
in this world character is everything
i tell you in precise.
o man!awake!and arise!
always speak the truth
abondon the lies.
it wont cost you any price
in the society you should have
good relations and ties
which sooner or later
you will realize.
o man!awake!and arise!
foolish are those who fight over trifles
and spend their precious lives.
they do not know
when a man dies
everything he leaves here
and goes empty hand and with close eyes.
o man !awake! and arise!!
mY sTinT wItH tHErModYnAmIcS!
I lastly cleared my course MT201.I am swollen with pride. I think, I have mastered the tricks and theories of 'disaster management ' .you see, managing the disordered things is an art and managing it really gives me a high. They say” well begun is half done" but I could never begin and things remained undone. I don’t know why even at this very moment I very strongly feel..I deserved and could have very easily scored an A in this very sweet n sour course of mine (mini no offence meant to you...but I still feel you could have done better)...but alas it’s nothing new. As always I never capitalize my opportunities and the very habit of mine taking things casually does lands me in trouble off and on. Can you beat it....I just attended 16 out of 48 lectures in the whole semester .I even struggled reaching the class at eight in the morning. And the fact is I could never make it. I would always reach the class fifteen minutes past eight, but always felt shy entering the class with a decision that I would come in time from tomorrow and unfortunately that tomorrow never came. And lo! Suddenly I became popular. When my course mates used to meet me, even before exchanging the greetings I was greeted with numbers..."honshu! 1 out of 5, 2 out of 10..." but when I still look back, I feel proud like a true fighter pilot, I never panicked. My reaching on time in his class almost became equivalent to scaling the Everest. By god's grace if I did, I could only make it only because our honorable professor was four minutes late. Now in his class I always felt bumpy .I would act as if I was the only attentive student in the class (though I didn’t even know what topic were we studying).I would always show the eagerness to answer his questions but with a fear of being asked to me. I would rack my brain hard to raise a doubt and impress him with my attention, concentration and inquisitiveness but in vain. there are two ways to slide easily through life:to believe everything or to doubt everything.Both ways save us from thinking. I then realized 'when actually u r stressed to raise a doubt, suddenly things seem so clear n obvious to you'.......first sessionals came n went ...n I thank god my great accident saved me.... (I still appreciate that perfect timing of my accident. You see me an optimist of highest order! Well that’s altogether a different story in itself ...) and due to medical (I was saved) reason I couldn’t attempt his paper. I promised myself to be regular from now on. But I think promises made in storms were only meant to be forgotten in calms and my late-lateefe continued. Then things started getting straight. I started attending his classes regularly. But I think, things were never meant to be so rosy for me...Now our beloved professor started missing classes. He went on a one week leave and this game of hide-n-seek continued...when I wouldn’t make in time lectures were held rigorously but whenever I turned up on time, it was only to know that the class has been cancelled. I have this habit of planning high and getting lazy. Now somehow I got the permission of special conduction of my 1st sessional exam. I used to console my laziness by telling myself “its ok dude! Oneday I gonna impress this 'MAHAJONG' with my bombastic performance in the sessional.So I would go home today and thoroughly study for the exam. Tomorrow would be the day. “But alas! As I mentioned that tomorrow never came...and I never studied for my first sessional.And suddenly...yes suddenly second sessional arrived .Four hours before the exam ,I studied very rigorously and as soon as I held the question paper, I felt happy on realizing that I can attempt 4 out of 5 questions. I looked around with a sense of pride and started answering my exam only to commit silly blunders like calculation mistakes with a minus sign at a place of plus n a plus sign at a place of minus...anger n frustration filled me coz’ d opportunity to prove myself to that professor was lost again. Then came the diwali holidays, pecfest and the session almost came to an end with my first sessional still pending. I couldn’t spare a day, post 50 days the first sessional to prepare and give my first sessional as per my own convineance.Heights of slugishness!Then comes a big questionmark!what about my attendance? After pecfest, I shamelessly stood with just 10 lectures .But frankly, there was always something in me that never made me nervous...I was never afraid...yes I was casual but calm. I was assured that it would be solved. The most embarrassing moment for me whenever the thermo class would end was when the students would ask their attendance count...and I would just hate that moment...for the first time in my life I hated listening my very own name..."himanshu...12/44..."..And I could do nothing but just hide my face n myself when the whole class would be grinning mercilessly at me. On the last day of our academic session...I got traumas for my attendance shortage. I entered his office smartly like a cadet marching in the squadron commander’s office and started my convincing confusing philosophy. I negotiated with him for 15 minutes and finally I get a feeling that I am done. He looks at me as though impressed by my convincing skills and hands over an old yellow page book in my hand and says "Son! Go get me solved 100 questions given at the back of this book and gaskel.If you sincerely get it to me within next 10 days I will forget this casual chapter of yours and would be sending your grades with pride and honour. “I felt elated and very happily thank him at that moment not understanding the gravity of the punishment. Partly because, I was feeling victorious as half my battle was won. But when I came back home and opened the holy book named "physical chemistry of metals by Darken &Gurry, I was shocked. Next seven days would be gone for exams preparation and I would be left with only three days to solve the assignment. I could feel the heat of this core subject at the core of my heart. Next day I had to give my first sessionals of this subject .I just didn’t know anything and cooked up stories. I then realized it would have been better had I given the exam before. Two and a half months past the first sessional exam and I couldn’t spare a day to prepare for it. Shame on me! I miserably passed those seven days of mine battling with my exams. Then on Monday, I and my black book enter the silent and empty library with a blank look. I silently take a chair and start solving numericals.I indeed solved them diligently. But I was feeling embarrassed when the students were staring at me with surprised looks which said "You Moron! Now when the exams are over, you are in the library. Where were you, when you were supposed to be in library?" Affirmative. Had I studied so diligently when I was supposed to be studying I would have topped! I somehow reluctantly solved 40 questions. Then the next day I got hold of a book and asked four of my friends to copy the numericals on the sheets so that I could get four times the work done, what I alone could have done…You see I was always good at maths..."if A could finish a work in 5 hours and B could finish the work in 6 hours. In how much time would A&B solve the work together?"....and my aim was just to make the submission assignment as thick as possible ...and indeed I was successful n again 'MANAGED’ somehow to make it look like a diligently worked upon assignment.Aah! I wrote an apology letter to give the punishment assignment some sentimental attachments and very shrewdly presented the assignment before 'his highness'...and yes he was happy and like a priest absolved me off all my sins....and forgave me. And hence I saved myself from getting the I grade. And yes that very day, I even impressed him with my performance in the final exam...and I really did well in it. Yes I felt elated when I saw the final grade on the board. I finally cleared my course MT201 with a B grade. I know I haven’t topped but I feel cherished and satisfied. I pulled my socks well in a situation when I was bare-footed. I am very happy with this achievement of mine. Yes I indeed consider this, as an achievement and I am very proud of myself. My writing would be incomplete without being thankful to so many people for their contribution to this success of mine. First and foremost I feel greatly indebted to our professor MAHAJAN because he created in me an immense interest in thermodynamics(though I only love solving numericals based on 1st,2nd laws,clausius equation, kinetics and equilibrium .I never understood solutions 1& 2.)Also again him ,because one of the main source of inspiration for writing this article has been the B grade awarded to me.I am very grateful for 'untimely' help by mini who helped me solving the numericals during exams though even today I am not clear when to take heat of fusion to be +ve and when to take it -ve.I am thankful to vinod for lending me his gaskel for one month though I never studied a word from it and on the contrary he has been charged a fine of Rs 106 for late submission of the book. Sorry vinod.I would like to thank sippy,nitin,bhavnesh for being with me among students with low attendance and never made me feel alone. My understanding of the subject became sharpened through many INFORMAL discussions with anuj.i thank dishant,mukul,shefali and kanika for helping me to copy and complete my problems.I express my sincere gratitude to rajat mehrotra for arranging the assignment for me at the last moment .I wish to thank our class CR puneet for sending timely smses regarding the cancellation of classes in the morning because of which I could sleep more in my cosy bed.Oh I am getting sentimental!!weep !weep! (handkerchief out)kjhsk;shfiuh!!!i am especially thankful to lab assistant ganpat for being very polite and very heplful.'ALL IS WELL THAT ENDS WELL'.But I enjoyed being a true outlaw. “Heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen. A quest may not simply be abandoned; unicorns may go unrescued for a long time, but not forever; a happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.”
'catch-22'
There are certain issues which always make me confused.i don't know ...why is it so much messed up?i still don't know should i ignore it and get more busy?should i think more n more of it?but one thing is sure ,i am not at all happy the way things are going...it sucks..it only makes me hate myself n others.i want to leave it but still i cant live without it.i dont feel happy being with it but still i long to be with it.i got so much to complain against it but still i am addicted to it.i dont know have i changed or do i need to change.how can the emotions n feelings suddenly sublimate.is it really mine?does it care for me?i only get a feeble reply.i am only messed up in the whirlwind of emotions n understanding.i dont cherish possessing it today but still i fear loosing it tomorrow.how can i hate it so repugnantly n love it so ardently at the same time.i miss those happy,cheerful n carefree days of mine.i am stressed n i am not at all loving it.i unlike my 'green-yellow ninja blood' just want to quit.i still dont know what to do. when i read this “maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values"...it only makes me think that there is a difference b/w being mature and foolish!n at this stage i only want to say.."maturity means knowing when to be immature" !!!!the phase is indeed terrible and painful.
a tWiSt In A tAle
I have somehow always believed in fairy tales and have always dreamt that someday something like a fairy tale would happen to me. A loud unclear announcement was enough to wake me up from my disturbed sleep- thanks to bedbugs. What followed was morning ablutions, drill and PT, followed by heavy breakfast and the completion of my hitherto incomplete sleep, in academic classes. I then had lunch and played basketball in games period. The day was as normal as any other but things were soon to turn around. just as it happens in fairy tales (When a boy then. So I calmly said” OK! So how this wasn't the correct word to use right After games, I took bath and while dressing up, I heard the Squadron Cadet Captain thought, (now I've had it) that I must have committed some 'grave mistake'. I rushed to his cabin. He said “Hey you, your girl friend is on the phone, she has called the telephone No of my Squadron to anyone not even to my family, how the hell did she get hold of it! And since when did I have a girlfriend? Riddled with many similar questions, I thought here is the beginning of my fairy tale. I picked up the receiver and said “Hello”. From the other side, a girl with a soft voice replied “Hi this is Shalini”. I mistook her for a friend from my hometown and with a feeling of pleasant surprise in my voice replied “Hi, how are you and how have you been doing?” She replied, “I am fine”. I queried “How did you get this number and where are you calling from? At this she said “that's a long story. I am in Pune, How is NDA?” The voice wasn't familiar and yet with excitement, I continued, “NDA is great, just as I told you when I was home, why don't you come to see NDA this coming Sunday, if you are in Pune?” She replied “I think you have mistaken me. I am Shalini Patil” This girl was right! I didn't know any one with that name, I asked “May I know whom do you want to speak to?” At this, there was a spate of questions, “Isn't that you Yashvardhan? Don't you recognize me, isn't this Alpha Squadron?” Whew, who is she? I thought.hat is my name, but who's this girl? I stuttered, “Ya it is Yashvardhan here, B…..b…..but I am sorry. I didn't recognize you”. Conscious of being the wrong person, I looked around the room and noticed that my senior was staring at me all through this episode. Receiving a call on this number was not my privilege. I was a bit worried, but all the worry vanished into thin air when, after a brief pause, this girl continued “I m Shalini Patil, daughter of Col Patil. I was your neighbour at Roorkee”. “Wow!” was the word that spurted out of my mouth instantaneously, but soon I realized that are you and where are you?” she told that she was studying at Symbiosis and wanted to see NDA. I asked for her number, but I did not have a pen or paper to write on. But meets a girl, magic occurs, beautiful mountains appear in the background, you hear violins playing and everything falls into place, the same would happen here and so I waved my hand in air and to my surprise, magic really happened) pop came a pen and paper into my hand. In a flash, I emerged from my reverie and saw that it was my senior who had done me this favour. I seemed as though my senior was more interested in the phone number than me, but I let things to be the way they were. I noted down her number and enquired if she would come alone or with someone else( she had a twin ,a complete look-alike) and she said that both of them would come. My heart stopped a beat when I kept the phone down and rushed out of my senior's cabin, suspecting that he would snatch the piece of paper.By the time I reached my cabin, the Study period had started and so there was no time to gloat over this grand success. For cadets at NDA, girls are mythical characters. It's like children asking each other, “Do you believe in ghosts?” Similarly, cadets here ask, “Do you believe in girls?” And trust me, the answer is always in negative, so you can imagine my state. I kept quiet about the phone call and did not tell any of my course mates about it, because I didn't rule out the possibility of a prank being played on me. Anyway, on Saturday evening, I got their names entered in the guest list. Finally, Sunday morning arrived. Handling one girl wasn't easy but now it was double trouble for me. I gathered all my guts and called the number they had given me and it was decided that they would arrive at Alpha Squadron. At 10 O'clock sharp, I glued myself to my cabin window, looking out, waiting for my guests to come and recollecting good old memories of how I used to wait with my friends every evening in front of my house before going for basketball, for these girls to pass by. They arrived at 11.30. Both the girls were strikingly similar to each other and I could tell between them only by their different dresses. We first went to the ante room, then to Nescafe and than to Cafeteria. At the cafeteria, I bought a cold drink and a burger for each of us. Like a typical NDA cadet, my concentration shifted from newly made friends to the eats in hands, and my small burger was finished in one go. I controlled my burp keeping in mind that the girls were sitting near by. Girls! Oops!! I shifted my concentration to the correct place. I could make out that these girls hadn't moved a single bit and that their burgers and cold drinks were completely untouched. My instincts were directing me to jump and grab their burgers and finish them off before these girls could realize this, but then I did not give into my wild urges. I asked politely as to why they hadn't started and Shubha (the twin sister) replied that they needed straws to have cold drinks. Though slightly embarrassing, it was a lesson learnt, immediately. I realized the need to be extra cautious when with someone not acquainted with NDA's rules of eating. They started drinking, correction, sipping their cold drinks, once I brought them straws. Their style of eating burger was no less strange to me. They would first break it/tear it (or whatever) and have such a small part with which even a bird would feel dissatisfied. It was pleasant meeting them, better chatting with them but the best part was that I had learnt a bit about how to behave with people who weren't from NDA. After this, they came a few more times to NDA. We met on my “liberty”, a couple of times, as well. On one fine when I had been sanctioned “liberty”, it was decided that we would meet at E-Square, a famous multiplex in the city. Again burgers and cold drinks were ordered (by now, I knew how to go about such things). With that special scent that I had put on, I had the confidence of revealing to Shalini that I was in love with her. Shubha went to fetch the snacks from the counter, while I poured out my feelings to Shalini. My heart stopped beating when she reciprocated positively. The fairy tale would have ended ideally with the proverbial, “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER” but this wasn't to happen. In the theatre, I wanted to sit beside Shalini. But things went wrong when Shubha sat in the middle and Shalini had to sit next to her. Completely unaware of this and thinking that it was Shalini, I watched the entire movie holding Shubha's hand with the latter not resisting this at all confirming ,as I thought her acceptance of me. The movie over, I saw Shubha excitedly whispering into Shalini's ears. Shalini's smiling face turned into a frown as she too shared something with Shubha. And then nemesis took over. I managed to reach the Academy, just before the time for liberty got over. I told my course mates that the torn shirt, broken tooth and black eye I had acquired was the result of a fall from the moving Auto that I had rented for returning to NDA. My belief in fairy tales has not been erased despite this rendezvous and I still dream that someday something like a fairy tale will be part of my life.
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